For activity 3 of day 4 of week 2 from the Summer learning journey which is also a bonus activity, I had to imagine that I was a working as a nurse on a large medical ship and complete writing a provided. I had to at least write more 8-10 sentences to complete the story.
Here is what the story was like at first:
One day you are walking along the deck of the ship when you hear a loud bang. You start to run as you see smoke coming from the far end of the ship. You run towards the room where your patients are waiting to receive treatment from the doctor. Just as you arrive at the door to their room you hear another loud bang and you..
One day you are walking along the deck of the ship when you hear a loud bang. You start to run as you see smoke coming from the far end of the ship. You run towards the room where your patients are waiting to receive treatment from the doctor. Just as you arrive at the door to their room you hear another loud bang and you jumped in fright. You get a doctor to quickly come over and help the patients as you then disappear in attempt to find out what was going on. The smoke soon began to fill the air and you could see other nurses swiftly running away from that area of the ship. You look over the ship and see that people are in the water, it seems that they have jumped off in reaction to all the smoke. You look back and see nurses panicking while running around not knowing what to do. You heart begins to race and you begin to breath heavily. Who know's what's going to happen after all this? you think to yourself. You then spot someone laying on the floor struggling to get up and you wonder why. You quickly go over to help them and you can see that they are in pain so you take them to room so they can be helped. You open the door only to see that half of the patients are gone...but why?
Hi Victoria,
ReplyDeleteWell done on completing another activity! You did a good job here. I liked your story, I specially liked that you used a lot of actions and description words such as "panicking" and "struggling", in order to make your story engaging and interesting. Have you consider that you could add more questions at the end to make your readers really wonder what would happen next? Perhaps the use of "where to and how?", would suit this story very well.
For the future I want you to read the story out loud and at the end ask yourself: How to make my writing more interesting?
Keep up the good work!
Kia kaha,
Patricia
Hello Victoria
ReplyDeleteGreat job on finishing this summer learning journey activity. Your story is really cool. I like the cliff hanger that you have at the end of it. Keep up the excellent work Victoria.
Daniel