Completed Narrative - Jack, Jill and the unexpected Halloween night

                                  Jack,Jill and the unexpected Halloween night…

Halloween Night:

*Bang, Bang, Bang! “Trick or treat!” Jack heard kids knocking on the neighbours door. He stretched and stared at the small part of the moon that slightly shone through the kitchen window with a frown. “Are you ready yet?”, He questioned exhausted, “Yes, I am now” Jill responded. A big smile grew on Jack's face as he raced to the front door, he had been waiting for Jill to get ready for over hours.

A witches treat:

It was around 6:00 or 7:00 and they were on their way to go  trick or treating. Jack’s feet were aching from when he walked around the house waiting for Jill to finish getting ready. They knocked on their first house hoping to receive more than just 1 piece of candy. “Trick or treat!”, they shouted. Seconds later the door opened. relieving an old lady dressed as a witch. She grabbed 2 big handfuls of out of her bowl of starbursts and s-l-o-w-l-y sprinkled it in their bags before they skipped off to the next house..

The shed:

Leaves brushed against their shoes, Jack could hear his sister's teeth chattering. The wind glided against his face and as exhaling, fog would escape out his mouth. About now they were their 5th house. Jill complained about how she was getting cold and her feet were aching, their bags were already full of delicious candy. Even smelling it for too long could give you a headache, so they tried finding somewhere warmer to rest. Later they stumbled across a shed like basement that was just slightly more warm than outside. The floors made an irritating creek after every step that they made. Webs coated the walls and corners of the roof. Dust rained down as if it was snowing and a revolting smell spread around the room and filled their nose.

Monsters feast/Jack’s Death:

*Crunch...crunch...crunch* The sound of leaves being walked on came from outside the shed. Jack and Jill stopped rolling the marble they found from the corner of the shed to each other. Jack slowly tiptoed outside to see what was going on. It was just a strange black cat as dark as a shadow that just stared at Jack while licking its paw. Jack followed it to a swamp but before he could realise that, he tripped over a pile of crunchy leaves and twigs. Then as Jack got up and dusted himself off, a strange figure grew out the swamp, it had 2 small horns and the tips were sharper than a butcher's knife. He had 5 eyeballs and his eyelids were covered in a green goo. Jack screamed and in attempt to run the monster instantly gripped him tight and swallowed him whole.

Jill’s revenge:

Jill came running after hearing Jack’s loud scream. She grabbed a sharp rock from beside her foot and sprinted towards him in attempt to tackle. She was about the size of newly grown bush to him. She took grip of his left horn while striking her sharp rock against his ruff fur. A liquid yellow substance leaked out the cuts, then seeping through her costume. She felt nothing but anger and sadness, maybe even a bit of guilt. “I should have stayed with him, I should have just went with him!,” she angrily thought to herself. For her brother had passed away. Or did he?...

An unexpected survival:

Jill slowly moved back in fear, “something” unexpectedly bursted out of the monster's stomach. This time it was a human like figure. “It couldn’t be?... could it?” Jill thought to herself. She thought she was going crazy for thinking it could be...Jack, but as the figure got closer Jill realised that it was him! Just covered in the yellow goop. Without a care she ran up to go hug him. She inhaled and exhaled deeply in relief as they listened to the screaming of the wind that came from afar. Later on they walked back home knowing that halloween night will always be remember and the most strangest and unexpected. Their promise of the day, was to never go trick or treating again.

L.I: To proofread and edit.
I learnt more about writing a full narrative and to attract the reader using onomatopoeia.
I took my ideas from my narrative plan, then inserted them in my completed narrative and named the paragraphs depending on what it is about.